Saturday, December 15, 2012

Is the success rate really 3 percent?

I'm the type of person who has to research everything and learn as much as I can about a topic in order to fully understand it. When I figured out that my H was cheating and divorced his ass, I started learning as much as I could about infidelity.

I keep seeing this figure of 3 percent being the success rate of relationships that result from affairs. While I certainly understand all the reasons why relationships that begin as affairs often fail, when I look at the relationships that began as affairs in my own circle of family and friends, it doesn't seem accurate.

My father cheated on my mother, and he married his AP. They were married until she died, for 18 years.

I have two friends who met their current spouses while they were married to other people; they are both still married to their AP's.

In my personal situation, my H discovered his college GF on Facebook, they started having their affair, her H found out and filed for D but didn't contact me, I suspected and confronted and was repeatedly told that I was over-reacting and they were "just friends." I filed for D based purely on my gut; and when he finally moved out several months later and moved in directly with this woman, he still wouldn't admit to the affair. I later found out that he had been seeing an old HS girlfriend as well who he had also located on FB, and HER H found out and it broke up their marriage, too.

I know that I am better off without him and I don't miss him... he destroyed every shred of love I had for him during the affair and divorce process. Perhaps I am vindictive; I want his current relationship to fail. I really don't care if he finds someone later to be with; I just don't think that he and his AP should be rewarded with a long and healthy relationship when so many marriages and families were broken up in the process. My ex and I have a child, the college GF and her husband have three, the HS GF and her husband have two. All these kids are without married parents now. I've been in contact now with both of the other BS's, one seemed glad to be out of his marriage and the other was hurt but was moving along with his life and already has a great relationship. I've been dating but haven't met anyone who I have those feelings for, and that's okay. I feel that it will happen when the time is right, and know that I have a tremendous lot to offer a man.

I don't have much communication with my ex except for issues regarding our child, and I have no idea how his life is going and really don't want to know. I realize that I should just put this aside and move along with my own life, and for the most part, I do. I keep telling myself that the karma bus will come along... but then I look at these other people I know and think, maybe not. Maybe they are destined to be together and I was just the collateral damage in the situation, and to be quite frank, that makes me feel like crap.

Thoughts? Is 3 percent really an accurate number?


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